I hope that you like… oh, never mind.

A party should never have enough chairs. It was a good time, but I miss being 22 and playing truth or dare with more than a handful of women. No I don’t.

Yes I do.

Then again, the sort of dirty things that Sarah and I said respective to each other…

I knew that Vagina Power would end things…

17 Responses to “Drizunk ”

  1. Well, sometimes a party ends up being a gathering instead, and as a gathering it was skulltastic.
    Thanks for the fun.

  2. I actually had a really good time, but you know what happens when one posts drunkly.

  3. I thoroughly enjoyed the “power of [your] pee-nus” while I was the “pilot of [my] pussy”

  4. WHOA! My mother reads this site!

    Amazing. Do the voice again, like in the parking lot…

  5. It’s me again. Your best buddy. Listen to me.

    Yeah, I saw this nazi on you2b too. I bet she’s good in the sack. ’say my name’ and all, a real indication of just how far self delusion can take one. Speaking of which…
    I don’t like this new format. If you don’t change it I’ll stop insulting you in comments.

    It reminds me of well, “In Cold Blood” — its creepy, and I know you think thats something you got working for you, but I ask you — besides ’so-so’ sex with women who’d wear t-shirt about cock in North Dakota, what’d it every get you?

    I don’t think bloody fingerprints are in the least way funny, cool, or humorous, particularly if they are posted by someone I know who might have my address. Anyone with a brain can’t help but see this as a cry for help, or at least that’s what they’d say in the paper.

    I can see it in the NYTimes, “Minneapolis — Aging college student Jesse P. ‘The AxeMan’ Mullan posted inane comments on death blog in blood right before he murdered everyone at the keg party with a sharpened bicycle pedal. He became angry when his friends tried to tell him shit like this just isn’t cool or funny.”

    Seek help dude, or at least change it to Klingon blood, now THAT would be funny. Perhaps not.

    Seriously, I love you but this is the worst kind of sick.

  6. Shooby, perhaps you ought to go rent a pirate movie and have a beer. For my best buddy you apparently haven’t been paying much attention.

    1) I have a new girlfriend.
    2) My site loads in firefox without bringing the browser to its knees with… well I don’t know if it is javascript or what, because I can’t bear to have your site crushing my browser long enough for me to tell.
    3) I did all the work when you were my lab partner. You blame me for not acing the class because despite all your bluster about being an experienced programmer you simply were unable to produce any meaningful code — preferring to simply break my code as you modified it to make it fit your imagined coding style. I gave you a free ride and you bitched because I didn’t do every single speck of the work for you.

    Now, I don’t give a shit what you say, as long as it is funny, but you aren’t even funny. Your parody of a New York Times opening paragraph just didn’t ring truly enough. Let’s try that again, but better:

    Minneapolis, Mn., April 23 — The quiet neighborhood of Stevens Square was rocked Sunday morning by the discovery of ten bodies in the apartment of Jesse Mullan. Police say that Mullan, 31, had become distraught at his own party and murdered all nine of his guests after making a maudlin post to his blog. Eerily, his weapon of choice was a pedal he had wrenched from his bicycle, which he used to bludgeon his inebriated guests to death before turning the weapon on himself.

    “I’ve never seen so much blood,” said Officer Terry Davis. “His website was horrifying, and the apartment was almost as bad. Actually, you’d expect his apartment to be stained and soaked, but aside from some splatters in the kitchen the apartment is ready to rent out.”

    That is how you write a parody, and how you put words in someone’s mouth. Anyway, it isn’t blood, it’s watermelon sauce. Chill out, start being funny, stop being a dick, or get yourself banned. Take your pick — ain’t no thing. I don’t force anyone to come visit my site, and that includes you.

    Oh, yeah, you could always get a feed reader if you want to read but don’t want to see it — or whip up a proxy server that blocks all of the css. Good luck and god speed.

  7. Jesse: I was innocently quoting Ms. Alexyss Tylor, the genius behind Vagina Power. What else did you think I was doing? ;)

  8. Wow, dude. Way to take your frustration of Sarah’s love of “Vagina Power” lady out on Schooby. Yes, you can do everything better than him. Isn’t the knowledge of that enough? Did you really have to rub his face in it too?

  9. Oh, yeah, I forgot to say, the pirate theme is the most awesome ever. Everyone who doesn’t think so can suck it.

  10. I wasn’t frustrated by Sarah, I was surprised. I was frustrated by Shooby’s preachyness. I don’t tell anyone how to live their lives, but all of a sudden just because he does not appreciate macabre humor (or pirates) I’m some sort of serial killer. If he’s gonna trash talk me, I’ll trash talk him, except that I am brave enough to use my real name.

  11. Alexyss Tylor? My, what a wench! Reminds me of some of dem militant, radical babes from the 1970s Women’s Movement (capital W, captial M), only they wore Earth shoes and no foundation garments and proclaimed women’s power with megaphones instead of UTubes.

    Shooby dooby doo, de dooby doo doo, shooby dooby doo… Wasn’t that a Frank Sinatra song? Okay, now if I remember corrently, didn’t he have blood on HIS hands? Or, wasn’t he associated with people who had blood on their hands? Or was that Italian meatball sauce? De dooby doo doo la la??

  12. Oh my, Mr. Preachy Too Tight Underpants. Never told anyone how to live their lives? I guess I made up all the times you told me that I should be disciplining Noah more, or that I washed dishes all wrong because my soaking process lasted for more than a day . . . or two.

    I don’t think he was trash talking you. I think he was trying to be funny but failed miserably because he doesn’t have enough wit and came off as offensive. Instead of realizing what was going on you slammed the poor, untalented bastard. Really, though, I couldn’t give a fuck. I mean, I don’t even know the dude. But slamming him via tirades to you is a hell of a lot of fun - for me.

    There’s something else that’s been bothering the hell out of me. Who the hell spells a name this way: Alexyss.

    I mean, really. She made up the whole Vagina Power thing because no one is interested in a chick that spells her name in such a damn annoying fashion. Why not just add a few more random letters, like Alleckxiyss? Might as well since it’s so damn ridiculous. Right, Mama?

  13. All right, Lisa, you have a point about unsolicited advice that I have given to you, but you and I are practically family. It’s appropriate for close friends and family to occasionally be pushy about things they see that they don’t agree with, but I haven’t talked to Shooby in person since Spring of 2005 or so. Plus, if he was kidding (he wasn’t) what makes you think that I wasn’t kidding?

    Now, don’t make me lock this thread because of general kvetching. :P

  14. Right.

    Thats why I have been working for 20 years and your still in fucking programmmer kindergarden.

    You did all the work — fuck you. Dispite your hacking we made it through class.

    Your fucking up both the major assignments aside.

    Fuck you.

    …and your ugly girlfriend.

  15. Hey now shooby - what gives you the right to bring me into this? There’s no other way to attack Jesse? I’m sorely disappointed in you. A very weak jest. And, if you want to make your point all the more clear and pointed, at least use proper spelling and punctuation, please. That’s, you’re, despite: get it right.

  16. Shooby, you are officially banned. My code compiled and worked. Whenever you touched an assignment it stopped compiling. Apparently your 20 years of experience was all in UML diagrams and bitching about how inefficient it was to use “this” in object methods. “Despite all my hacking” I got an A in 1901 and 1902. What grade did you get? Despite my lack of 20 years of experience my employer likes my work so much they created a position to hire me on full time.

    I seem to remember turning down your offers numerous times.

    I thought that you were a Christian, Shooby, but apparently you’re just a dick.

  17. Umm. . . wow. He’s even more idiotic than I thought. Not only did he mix me up with Sarah, but he has no taste in women. Granted, that pic of me is not the greatest, but still, I am GORGEOUS!

    And I didn’t think you were kidding, Jesse, because you lived with us when you were in class with Shooby and I remember the only time he actually did anything to contribute (which was rare) to class work he broke your code or wrote stuff that made no sense and didn’t work. You carried him the whole semester and had a right to bitch with your jokester gloves off.

    And now, like you, I am done!

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