From the Land of Sky Blue Waters

Last night I drove up to The City to attend a small event put together by Scott Beale, lead tentacle of Laughing Squid. I finally got to put my calling/business cards to proper use. I snagged two hours of fantastic conversation and went home feeling elated.

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Whenever I get to Norway, I am required by law to eat smalahove. That’s half a sheep’s head. Yes, I will eat anything. Photo courtesy h0bbel, who is my Norwegian brother.

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My New Stomach Tattoo


Hellz Yes

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As best as I can tell, this is elephant in Arabic:



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Bad Word

Okay, I have a new idea. It’s like a safe word, except in reverse. I could be out of my mind drunk with a totally nude woman who is blacked out in my bed, and she will sleep comfortably and safely all night, whether or not I get up and go try to sleep on the big chair in the living room. If I don’t get a clear signal (like “hey sailor, big discount for repeat customers”) I’m not doing anything.

However, sometimes ladies like to pretend to be demure. Sometimes they might be interested but be too shy to move my chair right up next to theirs while I am fetching a sweatshirt. Even then, I might be worried that I am seeing an opening where there isn’t one. That’s why I want there to be a trigger word — sort of the opposite of a safe word. So, if she’s ready for the hot Jesse action, she would just say “Jello” very quietly and I would work my magic, confident that in thirty seconds or ten minutes I’m not going to lean in and get the gentle head twist and squinty eyes of a “oh, you thought… uh…” I mean, once you take the initial jump, the rest is just four seconds of falling. After that, a light touch and subsequent gasp of breath or uncomfortable squirming will let me know if her shoulder is off limits (for example).

I would also accept the word “pirate” or just an “arrrrrr, matey, time to swab the poop deck!”

See, I told you that I was feeling better. Tomorrow I swear that I will call to schedule an advising appointment, despite being terrified of the phone.

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Unicode in PHP

Whenever there’s an encoding issue or a question about Unicode, people tend to knock on my door.

Sound familar? If you’ve been on #gallery with me at three in the morning, you’ve probably heard me cursing character set conversions. This guy has apparently done even more cursing than I.

(this link is for people as nerdy as me)

Proposal for Implementing Unicode in PHP - - Steven Wittens

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Flashing lights

Who is this?

A eagle-eyed reader asked (auf Deutsch) what the flashing lights mean, so I will share the torrid tale with the whole class.

Back when I worked for Internet Broadcasting Systems, distractions were the digits of pi: irrational, random, and unending. That was where I found out about and, two sites which can chew up slack time at work by the bucketful. My coworker (and friend) Gerg sat immediately next to me in an adjoining cubicle. He and I would occasionally AIM eachother links (from five feet away) to keep amused.

One fine winter morning I received a rope light as a secret Santa gift. It was vaguely cool, so I put it up across the top of my cubicle, since my Britney Spears shrine was suffering from inadequate lighting. One day down the road I found myself staring at the rope light as the tiny lights chased eachother from end to end and danced in marvelous patterns. The ticking of the clock slowed to an echoing crawl as the dance grew more and more intricate, back and forth, up and down, on and off.

I turned to Gerg and said, simply: “I have flashing lights.”

And thus a new term was born for any sort of distraction. This whole story was probably only funny to me, but there you go.

The speaking in tongues category is for things involving foreign languages, like the post about Chinese crotchless pants. The rest are pretty self explanatory.

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Happy 4th of July!

I think that I was up too late. At least I wasn’t up as late as Cake Woman, who is working the third shift now. She baked me another cake, but this one had crumbled under the weight of its own deliciousness. I hope she is sleeping now instead of plotting more cake. I may take a nap in anticipation of tonight’s fireworks, perhaps while the Monk marathon plays on TV.

I took a little time to take pictures of seven of the eight elm trees in the neighborhood that will be cut down. Thanks a lot, Dutch Elm disease. I would have taken a picture of the eighth one, but it snuck up on me. Hopefully they won’t plant a dozen of the same tree next to eachother again — c’mon, how about a little biodiversity for once?

Hoffentlich meine neue Freund liest mein Blog jetzt gern, aber schreibe ich nicht auf Deutsch. Was fur eine Artikel soll Ich schreibe fur Sie? Vorher Ich schreibe sollte ich mehr schlafen?

I swear that I’m not always this off-kilter, but my German is always this atrocious.

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Call me Yishai

Two alternate spellings of my name?

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Leadership in Chinese for work

兵权 [bing1 quan2] /military leadership/military power/
领导 [ling3 dao3] /lead/leading/to lead/leadership/
领导权 [ling3 dao3 quan2] /leadership authority/
领导能力 [ling3 dao4 neng2 li4] /leadership/
首脑会晤 [shou3 nao3 hui4 wu4] /leadership meeting/
首脑会议 [shou3 nao3 hui4 yi4] /leadership conference/summit meeting/

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