Ask Doctor Jesse: Attracting Manticores

A few weeks ago I answered a question from Zach J. of Minneapolis regarding sasquatch infestations. He sent me another letter thanking me and commenting that he was worried about sprinkling borax around his property as it might also dissuade beneficial manticores from visiting his property. That is an excellent line of inquiry — but I had to bring in an expert to get answers. Immediately, I called my dear mother, a long time gardener and landscapist.

“Hi JP,” she said upon answering the phone. “I was just out in the garden feeding the amphivena.” A pair of these two-headed serpent-birds have a nest in the corner of her garden. Apparently their excretions make for excellent manure — unusual for carnivorous beasts.

“Hey Mom,” I replied. “Didn’t we have manticores when we lived in Iowa?”

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Ask Doctor Jesse: Sasquatch Infestation

As a doctor and maker and seller of fine internets, people turn to me for answers to their perplexing questions. For instance, Zach J from Minneapolis asks:

“How do I deal with a pesky sasquatch infestation?”

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