A few weeks ago I answered a question from Zach J. of Minneapolis regarding sasquatch infestations. He sent me another letter thanking me and commenting that he was worried about sprinkling borax around his property as it might also dissuade beneficial manticores from visiting his property. That is an excellent line of inquiry — but I had to bring in an expert to get answers. Immediately, I called my dear mother, a long time gardener and landscapist.
“Hi JP,” she said upon answering the phone. “I was just out in the garden feeding the amphivena.” A pair of these two-headed serpent-birds have a nest in the corner of her garden. Apparently their excretions make for excellent manure — unusual for carnivorous beasts.
“Hey Mom,” I replied. “Didn’t we have manticores when we lived in Iowa?”
“Oh yeah, we had two or three of those buggers living up in the top of the maple at the house on 16th street. They loved to eat your marigolds… and the neighbor children.”
“They ate the neighbor children?” I asked, blown away.
“Well, not really — the kids didn’t live there — it was a day care,” she answered. “They weren’t the neighbor kids because they were just visiting.”
“It’s like vampires, they can come into your place of work without invitation, but not your home.”
“Manticores are vampires?”
“No, Jesse, stop being difficult. You know what I mean.”
So, there you have it. Marigolds and children. I suggest a window box for the marigolds, and a bucket of “Fun Sized Snickers” on your front step to draw in children. In Minnesota, you will probably have to supplement fresh flowers with dried ones. You could also try the other favored foods of manticores, which include squash, goats, and cedar.
As a side note, there is a new sasquatch deterrent on the market made from Quorn. Look for “‘Squatchaway” in the pest control aisle of your local hardware store.