I bought groceries and paid as many outstanding bills as I could find. I got bailed out again. I am trying to not feel like a complete failure for everything.
Let’s review the major mistakes of the past couple of years. This will be a fairly inclusive list.
1) Moving to Anoka
2) Getting a car instead of a bed
3) Moving out of the Keathly’s basement into my own apartment
4) Taking a full time job
Wow. That’s actually not too bad, and I’m gonna go ahead and give myself a free pass for all four.
My biggest failing in life is sleep. If I can sleep at night and wake up in the morning, everything else can be worked out. That’s the real reason that I moved to Anoka. I never had a problem going to bed or waking up there. That, plus my own ridiculous ideas of how I would spend my last two years in Minnesota were what drew me out there. It was about removing desires and possessions. It didn’t work like I had hoped. In 2005, I should have bought a cheap queen sized bed and a beater car. If I still wanted out of the Keathly’s house, I should have held firm to a location near the University.
The Keathlys are the best people ever. They let me move back and dump my stuff all over their basement, then cry and sleep on the couch instead of the bed. When I left it was time to go, but I didn’t look for roommates, and I didn’t stick to my original rent requirements. My apartment is very nice, but I don’t use all of its features. I’ve had one dinner party in three months. I spend 99% of my time in the bedroom. Studio studio studio! Mistake.
The job is the weirdest part. When I took it, I couldn’t imagine how anything could go wrong. I thought that with a massive increase in income that I’d be able to well stoke the fires of productivity. Careful review of my income reveals that I am taking home less than I did at the internet place in 2000. Oops. I can’t reward myself with food for spending ten to twelve hours on campus. I can’t drop $100 to complete a stupid photo assignment for class (much less buy my own camera upgrade). I love my job, but I feel like I’m doing everything wrong and don’t have the energy to “just make it right.” If I would have stayed part time I would have delayed the whole apartment thing. See?
Of course, just like 2005, I’m going to do everything I can to make things work. Let’s hope that I don’t end up uncontrollably crying for two months straight again.