Hey, It’s That Guy From My Linguistics Class

No, not the two classmates whom I saw in the Electric Fetus today, it was the guy who emcees for the Northstar Roller Girls. Bear in mind that I have barely heard him say one sentence as he slumps in the front row of lecture.

That wasn’t his first costume, either — his first was something involving a poncho and a leg brace.

I had been meaning to go to a roller derby for a couple of years now, but I hadn’t been able to convince any friends to go. My coworker Jodi wanted to go for her birthday, so that was plenty of excuse for me to walk two blocks to the convention center.

The bouts were a great deal of fun. Sarah declined to go this time, but of my friends who haven’t gone, I’d say that Lisa and my mom would have the most fun. There’s even wine and punk rock. My friends who have gone should be taking me when other options do not avail.

We sat in “sniffer’s row,” and I got in trouble for it, again. I’m just kidding: they call it the “Danger Zone,” and in said “Danger Zone,” sometimes skaters fall into your lap. Sometimes Val Kilmer is your wingman, but never mind that.

Be careful out there.

The derby equivalent of a rodeo clown. The skaters are all juiced up on ‘roids and need a flashy target to distract them so they don’t attack the crowd. Maybe it’s the opposite.

I think that it will take a few visits to recognize skaters. They were a churning multicolored mass of visible underpants and danger.

The other emcee:

The other other emcee:


Her underpants say “PINK STINKS” on the butt. I guess that obviates any need for “the shocker.” (ask your mother what “the shocker” is, or go look it up on the urban dictionary. It’s vulgar)

(the shocker is “two for the pink, one for the stink”)

2 Responses to “Hey, It’s That Guy From My Linguistics Class ”

  1. I’m a mother (sort of), but I had no idea what “the shocker” is. Did I miss something in my mother education classes?

    But now that I know what “the shocker” is, I am shocked……and appalled……and totally grossed out. Although I’d like to go watch wilding girls gone skating. By the way, is there an age limit for skater applicants? Do you have to be, like, under 50? Is skating finesse really necessary…or…would I have to learn to skate backwards? Would I have to wear, like, underwear with catchy slogans? Is there an outlet in town for orthopedic skates? Gosh, I have so many questions.

  2. Me likey roller derby. It’s fun at the Wilkins Auditorium…don’t they play there anymore?

    If I were a derby girl, my name would be The Sinister Spinster, and my number would be WD40.

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