Five Year Plan To Get A Date

A work in progress. This is based on a fiscal year of September to September

Year One (30: 2005-2006):
Complete my sophomore year of college
Lose 30 more pounds to get out of “overweight” and into “normal.”
Buy a Mac laptop
Buy a queen or king-sized bed
Learn the design patterns in use in G2 so I can code with confidence
Code several trivial modules
Code a non-trivial module
Learn enough C++ to get by
Move into my own place within walking distance of “stuff”
Start volunteering at theaters to get to see free plays

Year Two (31: 2006-2007):
Complete my junior year of college
Write a handful of trivial C and C++ apps
Write a handful of trivial java apps
See about finding an internship/part time job in a java or C++ shop
Spend the summer doing some impossibly cool thing like biking cross country or building schools in Indonesia

Year Three (32: 2007-2008):
Complete my senior year of college
Write a graphical linux/OSX app

Year Four (33: 2009-2010):
Move to a place with an hour more sun than Minnesota on January first, like San Francisco
Get a cool job at… uh… some place awesome
Break into the SF scene
Live in a studio apartment, and by studio, I mean closet

Year Five (34: 2010-2011):
Spend year as aging hipster
Start lowering standards
Meet a great lady who just needs a little help getting her shopping cart full of dead cats across the street. A whirlwind romance leads to heartbreak
Buy a cadaver on the black market. Immediately feel regret and end up with an unused corpse to dispose of
Start doing the needle drugs and meeting new people
Lose job
Switch to huffing gas
Meet my soulmate, a toothless woman with a silvery smile. The surprise is that she was the shopping cart woman! Oh how time changes a heart!

Obviously, this needs some work, but it’s a start, and I think that my first year is fairly well planned out.

13 Responses to “Five Year Plan To Get A Date ”

  1. Everything was looking good until the end of year 4. I think that year 4 and 5 need some revision to be awesome like years 1, 2 and 3.

  2. Well, year five is still somewhat up in the air.

    I’d welcome any suggestions that people might have.

  3. What’s with all the programming shit in there? Are you going for the cool job or money to try and entice the ladies?

    If you are really just out to get a lady these are your best choices:
    A) Turn into an abusive asshole
    B) Become a trendy metrosexual
    C) Start sporting a wedding ring

  4. If your goal is to get a date, then post a picture of a Brad Pitt look-a-like on your personal add and lie your ass off. If your goals is to get a girlfriend, then things like a queen size bed, volunteering, and walking around with Noah would probably help your cause.

  5. Goal? My goal is to make Paul laugh. It’s working.

    As far as dating goes, I’m not sure that I will have the free time to start a new dating project before school starts, what with the Fringe Festival, drunken binges, and trips to New York (where more drunken binges will occur). My ad isn’t even active for me to lie in. Maybe I should activate it, fire up the lie machine, and see what awesome results transpire. What am I saying? It’s all lies all the time with me.

    I am not going to use Noah to pick up chicks.

    Lisa: the programming shit is because a career path is somewhat important.

  6. Yes, a career path is somewhat important. But this wasn’t your “five year plan to get a great job” it was your “five year plan to get a date.” Maybe your confusion of the two is why you don’t have a girlfriend?

  7. I would go with meth for those needle drugs, it’s all-the-rage in southern MN now, ya know. :D

    I kinda agree with Lisa…and there isn’t any time in there mentioned for your potential lady of the future either! These date-able chicas are going to think you’ll be too busy fingering the keyboard to finger… uhhh…nevermind! :D

  8. Everyone suggests the meth. What’s wrong with heroin these days?

    I’m not confusing work with women, this is a five year plan, and the women don’t happen until the fifth year. Or men! At that point it might be men!

  9. Women don’t happen until the fifth year? Yea, I’m buying that shit. . . NOT!

  10. no sex for 5 years, huh? embarassing erections here you come!
    (feel free to spell the last word as you see fit)

  11. With a K and two M’s please!

    Lisa and Stan are getting me drunk. When did I start liking wine? Oh yeah! The wedding!

  12. I believe that you’ve been noticeably quiet regarding the subject of shemales? I believe you could be denying yourself of some extremely gratifying experiences.

  13. Oh, “Robert,” please tell me more!

    We traced the call, and it is coming from inside the house!

    You traced the wrong call!

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