Jesse Mullan

It Would Be Nice

Written on Wednesday, the 17^th of August, 2005 at 4:46 pm and was filed under: Diversions

It would be nice if on a day when I come bouncing and dancing into work, ready to kick ass and take names, if I would not get phone calls where the party at the other end starts crying. That’s just an FYI. I’m not saying that people should stop calling me at work and crying, but it would be nice if they didn’t have to.

11 Responses to “It Would Be Nice ”

1. 
   Paulasaurus Rex said on August 17th, 2005 at 4:19 pm

   Hey! I get those too! Wanna fight over who gets more, or whose are more serious?

2. 
   Jesse said on August 17th, 2005 at 5:04 pm

   You probably get more, and they are more serious, but I really want to make a fighting videogame joke, so:
   “Round one, fight!”

   Anonymous: If I were to leave [my husband], how hard would it be for me to find an apartment?

3. 
   Kassie said on August 17th, 2005 at 9:07 pm

   Uhh, I don’t know what Paulasauras does, but I’m guessing I’ve got him beat and you too Jesse.

   Anonymous: So you mean, you can’t pay my rent? I’m going to be homeless?
   Me: Yes, would you lke a list of some nice homeless shelters?

   or

   Anonymous: I’ve got cancer, I can’t pay my rent, I don’t have money for food, and I lost my job.
   Me: Sorry, that retirement plan, that you can’t access for a few more months, puts you over assets. Would you like a list of free clinics? Maybe some food shelves and community resources? Have you considered selling your home?

   I’ve got thousands. And these are just some tame everyday examples.

4. 
   Paulasaurus Rex said on August 17th, 2005 at 9:26 pm

   EFF that… you are getting paid to take those calls. Jesse and I do it out of the kindness in our great big pretty loving sexy warm fuzzy nice hot pulsing hearts. EAT IT.

5. 
   Paulasaurus Rex said on August 17th, 2005 at 9:29 pm

   Anonymous: I’ve been talking about marriage with my boyfriend for about a year now, but now that he’s out of college, he’s been bringing it up and I don’t like it. Instead, I want to just date people… like you, Paul.

   (I’m a whore and a home-wrecker)

6. 
   Jesse said on August 17th, 2005 at 11:47 pm

   This is good sharing group, very good. Now, how does that make you feel? Personally, I’m done venting now.

   I’m gonna divvy up points and Street Fighter III/Mortal Kombat/Soul Caliber sound effects.

   Kass:   10000pts 1000 X HIT!
   Paul:    1000pts Special Move: Cuckolding!
   Me: 100000000pts Finish Him! Perfect Victory!
   

   I think that I have to agree with Paul on the work thing, that’s why Kassie only gets 10 points for each of those promised one thousand stories. You can always quit, but when it is a friend or, just for instance, your mom, you can’t exactly say “You know what, I’m tired of all this Crazy. I told you that I can’t help you, so get out before I call security.” Not that my mom likes to call and cry or anything, or tell me that she’s thinking of leaving her husband by way of asking if it would be hard to find an apartment. That would be just plain irrational.

   Paul, on the other hand, gets free points for being on Team Kickass, but honestly, his phone call is not one that I would dread. Sorry Paul, you’re not a whore or a home-wrecker. A home wrecker’s story would go more like this:

   Anonymous: I think that I should break it off with my fiance.
   Homewrecker: Do you want to stop having sex long enough to call him and tell him?
   Anonymous: Naw, I’ll tell him tomorrow.
   Homewrecker: The wedding is in an hour!
   Anonymous: We’ll never finish in time!

   So, the rules are now:

   • Only personal calls or visits during working hours are accepted
   • The caller must be important to you and someone that you will see again in at least one year’s time.
   • No more name calling or eye gouging.

   Round Two, Fight!

7. 
   M said on August 17th, 2005 at 11:56 pm

   Ok, no booty-calls to jesse during work…darn it. ;)

8. 
   Jesse said on August 17th, 2005 at 11:57 pm

   Booty calls don’t count!

9. 
   M said on August 17th, 2005 at 11:59 pm

   sweeeeeeeeet

10. 
    Paulasaurus Rex said on August 18th, 2005 at 11:15 pm

    or we could just compare who is more effed up overall… that seems to be working over instant messenger right now… we seem to be at a stalemate…

11. 
    Jesse said on August 18th, 2005 at 11:30 pm

    Oh the things that the rest of the world misses. Like Lisa said, everyone is damaged goods. You are going to come over and have dinner with us. We’ll circle the wagons and make you do the dishes.