Things from chats

I should totally write text adventures!

First you could play Stepdad:

I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU! YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!
*slams door*
*door opens*
I HATE YOU
*slams door*
*Incubus plays really loud*
*A skunky smell like armpits rolls out from under the door*
*knock knock*
*there is a scurrying, and a window opens and a lysol smell rolls out from under the door*
> open door
the door is locked
> unlock door
with what?
> unlock door with key
you don’t have the key
> n
you are in the hallway.
> w
you are in the kitchen
> look
You are in a suburban kitchen. There is a junk drawer here
> look drawer
the drawer is closed
> open drawer
the drawer is open. there is a key inside
> take key
you have a key
> s
you can’t go that way
> e
you are in a hallway
> s
you are standing in front of a door. you hear incubus
> unlock door with key
DAD! WHAT THE HELL! CAN’T I HAVE SOME PRIVACY! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

Or you could play “CC Club”, inspired by this terrifying exchange:

zach: WHY WON’T THE GIRLS FROM FOLK UKE MARRY ME
jessepmullan: the same reason why no woman will ever marry me
zach: your penis is too big too?
zach: funny we’d both have the same problem
jessepmullan: wanna swordfight?
zach: NO
jessepmullan: just wait for that one drunken night in the bathroom of the cc club
zach: I will so use the stall

Here’s the actual game:

> open door
the stall is locked
> unlock stall
there is no keyhole
> look
you are in a dimly lit bathroom. there is a strong smell of urine
you hear zach in the stall yelling “you are NOT GETTING IN HERE”
> e
you are in the bar area of the cc club. Many women are ignoring you.
> look women
the women are hot but unattainable. A hipster douchebag asshole is going home with one of them.
> drink
drink what?
> drink beer
you have no beer
> GIVE ME SOME FUCKING BEER

My homework is not done because some retard didn’t program the PriorityQueue correctly or some shit. I’m going to bed now so that I don’t get triple fired tomorrow. Melody says that I should chase down the cupcake woman. I think that I agree. I will be a cheetah on the savannah. Okay, really, I’m just a grumpy old male lion who lets the lady lions do all the real work like hunting and raising kids. Jeremy Irons will voice me in the animated movie based on my life. I think that my brain came detached somewhere in the course of writing this.

One Response to “Things from chats ”

  1. Dear Lisa,

    Apparently Jesse doesn’t know how to listen to and follow directions since yet again I had to manually correct his timecard. RIDE HIS ASS (and not in the good way),

    Zach

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