Not Helping U

My mother just got a letter saying that our reapplication for the SELF loan was declined because we had already gotten the maximum amount for the year.

I have been calling “Helping U” for days now. Here is an example of the conversations:
“Hello, my name is Jesse Mullan. I would like to inquire as to the status of my financial aid.”
“What? I don’t understand what you are asking. Financial what?”

“Okay, so I was approved for loans this semester. Then the University decided to apply a hold to my financial aid. I was ready with the form to appeal the hold, but it took time to get it to my advisor, get it signed, and get it turned in. By the time it was processed, the university had already canceled my loans. It had not, however, cancelled my tuition costs. I dutifully reapplied for my loans, but my application for my SELF loan took extra time because I had to coordinate with my mother so she could co-sign, and then a notary so they could stamp it with their notary magic. Now there is a hold on my registration because the loans have not gone into my student account to cover my tuition. I want to make sure that nothing is standing in the way of my SELF loan money so that the University can put that money into my account and then pay itself.”
“Did you fill out the FAFSA?”
“Yes, that was filled out and I received my federal loans.”
“Did you fill out the SELF loan?”
“Yes I did. According to the last person I talked to at Helping U, the state received the forms, and now the University is just waiting for the money.”
“It looks like we are just waiting for the money. Once we get it, it will go into your account.”
“Isn’t that what I just said?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, so just to clarify, is there anything that I need to do to get this money into my account?”
“No.”
“Is the University preventing that money from going into my account?”
“No.”
“Because seriously, if there’s a hold or anything at all that could prevent this transaction from occuring, I want to know.”
“Not that I can see.”
“So that money is coming?”
“Yes.”
“It is an unstoppable juggernaut of tuition payment? I really want to register for more classes here at this fine institution. If there are more problems, I might as well just stop attending the university — I mean, I know when I’m not wanted. I can read the signs. Non-traditional students need not apply. The class that I have to take this summer is almost full and I can’t pay for my tuition out of pocket.”
“It appears that all you have to do at this point is wait.”
“Okay, thank you.”

So, of course my mom gets a letter saying that the reapplication was declined. There is some problem with my SELF loan and the situation is growing dire. I will be calling Helping U every day until either someone tells me to fill out one more form, donate blood, sacrifice a sacred animal upon an arcane altar, or just forget about a degree. I’d be glad to stop in and talk to people face to face if that would be beneficial.

Thank you for any assistance that you can provide. Please help me.
Jesse Mullan

5 Responses to “Not Helping U ”

  1. storming in with M-16s usually gets you what you want.

  2. Whoa whoa whoa, you can only buy AR-15s in the civilian world.

    Besides, that’s what the roof of Coffman is for.

  3. Who said anything about buying them? Just go to “you know where” at “you know when” to talk to “you know who”… just tell him “wink wink sent you”.

  4. Ah!

    HOW YOU LIKE THE CAMPUS CLUB NOW?

    POW POW POW POW POW!!!

  5. I suggest in person… with documentation… and a hidden camera.

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