Maybe I should get more sleep

So you may have read my post about needing a wingman, in which I referred to needing a professional. If not, here’s a refresher:

So I’m going out tonight and I need a wingman. My boss (Zabe 1) suggested that I hire a professional, and that the professional should be female, since that is all the rage. Unfortunately, there is only one professional wingperson in the Twin Cities metro area (that I could find in thirty seconds of googling), and since she is cute I’d probably just spend the whole time checking her out.

All well and good, the post was longer than that, but you get the idea. Anyway, I linked to this lady: in that post, and she found her way to my site. She left this message:

I strongly support this.

Which, honestly, is confusing as hell. Seriously, what the fuck? I left a comment on my own blog and then eventually emailed it to her as well, because what was the likelihood that she would come back to check?

Wait, which do you support — me hiring you and spending the whole time checking you out, my friend Lisa embarrassing me, or me shaving on Gerg’s benefit?

That makes a lot more sense if you read the previous post in its entirety. It’s okay if you didn’t.

She said:


Thanks for writing.

Hey, if you want to pay $25.00/hour to check me out, I won’t stop you. You’d also have the option of paying me $25.00/hour to wingman for you.

Question: Do you think that women will eventually become both suspicious and aware of the wingman concept after they experience it in the bar a few times?

Okay, now this is where I ask you: funny or crazy?

I said:

A friend of mine (who theoretically volunteered to wing for free) told me that I should just spend $25 an hour buying women drinks.

As to whether or not women will become suspicious and aware, I say “yes” — once the concept is featured on a television show. If Sex and the City were still in production I would expect it to have a show or a minor story arc revolving around a guy who maybe seems to have his life a little bit too much together. Who is that female friend who always seems to be hanging around? Ultimately, things would fall apart not because this guy hired an assistant (since having that kind of money would have its own kind of appeal) but because he lied about her role in his life and he wasn’t the sort of person who couldn’t maintain a friendship with a woman on his own.

After that, the whole wingman/girl Friday thing would be played out until Kate Hudson dyes her hair black and plays you in a romantic comedy. In a plot loosely borrowed from Hatch (and I’m only guessing here because I didn’t see that movie) she helps a series of men become increasingly perfect for other women before helping the one man she always loved land some random woman. Hmm. This might be better ripping off Cyrano directly, but I don’t know how they would work in the sword fighting. I don’t think that Kate Hudson’s character could die at the end after being hit by a log pushed from a window, either — that would never make it past the focus groups.

I’m not seriously considering hiring a wingman — I was just posting about it to play up my singleness for the amusement of my friends. Hmm. Maybe I could put the professional wingman service in my five year plan to get a date.

Okay, never mind, I’ve got to get going on some painful homework.

I hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep. I sure hope it was funny, because I’m tired of being crazy. Seeming crazy. You know what I mean. Well, off to enjoy my meds. I mean, uh, Lost. I’m gonna watch Lost.

5 Responses to “Maybe I should get more sleep ”

  1. I thought you were funny, not crazy. And you totally answered my question.

    Side note: Kate Hudson looks nothing like me. I do, however, constantly get the Shannon Elizabeth comparisons.

  2. I don’t know if Shannon Elizabeth could carry the lead in a romantic comedy. We’ll run it by the focus groups and see what they say.

  3. That’s true, I’m not really impressed with Shannon’s comedic abilities. Maybe if we dyed Cameron Diaz’s hair and put some dark brown contacts in her eyes.

  4. Hmm. Cameron Diaz as a brunette. I’ll call her people and see if she’s on board.

    Maybe I should write the script first.

  5. Oh yeah, she was a brunette in that Vanity Fair spread a while back. Thanks google!

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