Q: Why do you hate the Doodlebops so much?
A: I don’t hate them at all.
Q: Why was your server offline?
A: Hard drives aren’t supposed to making clunking noises. I hope that drive likes the freezer, because it is time for desperate measures.
Q: Why is your server so slow?
A: I host it on my own POS box over my own DSL.
Q: Why are you so grumpy?
A: Bite me.
Q: Do you want to come to our “Catholic School Girls and Headmasters” college party? There will be booze and college girls dressed as catholic school girls.
A: I’m kind of tired and grumpy.
Q: There’s a hot tub.
A: I don’t want to drive half an hour to go to a party where I can’t really drink. I mean, I’d have to drive home afterwards.
Q: You can crash here!
A: The last time I thought that I was gonna crash somewhere my car got towed. Also, I don’t need the temptation of drunken school girls.
Q: WE’RE DRUNK RIGHT NOW AND WE MISS YOU WHY AREN’T YOU HERE GETTING DRUNK WITH US AND THE NAKED WOMEN IN THE HOT TUB.
A: I realise that you are expressing a moral imperative here in that I am a college student and there is a drunk naked college schoolgirl hot tub party two days before the start of classes, but I must still respectfully decline. I am experiencing some ridiculous and inexplicable pain in my foot which is a constant reminder of the fact that I am 31 and thusly simply too old to be involved in that sort of activity.
Q: THERE ARE NAKED MEN IN THE HOT TUB, TOO!
A: Oh yes, now that is a selling point.
Q: COME ON, MAN, SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO BE HERE!
A: I’m really not in the mood and I’d just feel creepy and gross limping up to the house so I can displace all the water in the hot tub with my fleshy white self.
Q: TOO MANY WORDS, I’M NOT GOING TO READ THIS POST
A: I guess I can’t have everything.