Oh no! A rat!

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Lisa finally got her dog. Since it is not an unstoppable killing machine, I refuse to take it for walks. A girl’s got to have standards. Then again, it does have a problem with the whole “you’re supposed to pee either in the toilet or out in the yard” thing, so, you know, we have something in common.

Uh oh, someone come change my chair. I just had an accident.

It’s a good thing that I’m not wearing any pants right now, or they’d be ruined. Oh! I could buy yellow pants! But what about the brown stains? That’s a stumper.

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This Heart Appears To Be Functioning Properly

I say never love a robot. It’s a good rule.

Wait, I mean, never love a woman.

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Good News, Everyone!

Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to hinder tooth decay. Since this is a family web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16282622/

msnbc is a family website, but my site isn’t, so I’ll come right out and say it: my nuts are good for your teeth.

Oh, shit, my mom reads this. Uh oh.

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Merry Dec- Oh. Wait.

So, uh, I forgot that I was going to lead into a Christmas list for my mom, because she has asked over and over again to come up with some stuff that she could buy in the $0-20 range. I assume that she isn’t going to just grab something from a clearance end cap at Target and scrape off the ten orange price tags that each cut ten percent off of the price until it is essentially free.

So, in no particular order:

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Merry Decemberween!

Well, I suppose that if I were going to throw a Winter Ale Party I would need to plan it somewhat in advance of the end of December. Too late now!

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Republicookieans

The Keathlys made cookies last night. I helped until I got kicked out for doing things like this:
Fucking Elephants

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Semester From Hell

You all know about the fracas at the start of the semester — well, yes and no. It started with a bang and careened, seemingly out of control, for a couple of months. I went to all of my classes, I went to work, and I’m fairly sure that I even did work and homework, but really, it wasn’t until the start of November that I came out of my fog and noticed that I was attending college. No nasty comments, please, that’s just what happened. Sure, I partied the first two or three weekends, but, uh, aside from making out with some girls six to ten years my junior (which, honestly, wow, yes, please) and getting the sort of drunk about which I used to write corridos (see! I went to my Chicano Studies class after all!), not a lot came out of that. I got a number or two every weekend until I noticed that I didn’t call most of them, and the ones whom I did call either had boyfriends or could hear me falling apart when I called them.

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Think Globally, Fuck Locally

“Okay, so, oh my GOD Gogol Bordello was the most amazing show ever,” I exclaimed with only a modicum of hyperbole.
“Oh yeah? What happened?” Zach asked incredulously. Zach has been to some excellent shows (MAN MAN: HOLY SHIT) and — in fact — invented the word amazing. He says it all the time, so now I do, too.

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Stuff On My Cat

Zach has been sending me pics from stuffonmycat.com all afternoon, but I think this one goes too far:
Stuff On My Cat

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Dear Bowling, I Missed You

The SERC meeting was held in Goldy’s Gameroom today, so I bowled a game with Laura and Christine. In true LOST fashion, my score was 108. I hadn’t bowled since I hurt my knee this summer. I bowled a second game by myself and by the end I was smiling and jumping around, even though my score fell. I think that I might get a ball and shoes after all — you know, when I graduate.

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