I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL

Just keep telling yourself that you don’t believe in the supernatural, Jesse. I know that you got the chills while reading this story.

Evil Kids, Hooray!

I think that I saw a ghost once before I moved in with my mom at around age seventeen. I woke up in the middle of the night while sleeping on the couch and saw something standing on the other side of the dining room at the entrance to the hallway. I looked at the shape, which was bright but not casting any light, said to myself “it’s just the moonlight on a coat, and pulled the covers up around my head, because if the scary stuff can’t see you, it can’t get you. It felt like the thing was watching me. I don’t know if it was watching over me or imagining how delicious my then virginal soul would taste.

The next morning I looked exactly where the shape had been and there was no coat. There was no way that light was shining in the hallway in the correct shape either. My only rational explanation is that I dreamed it the exact look of the living room and attached dining room and was aware enough to think clearly and remember it the next morning. That is actually less plausible to me than the idea that a “presense” was in the room watching me. I’ve seen my dreams, they are like the television when someone sits on the remote control. They are like the scrambled porn that you watch when you are fourteen in the hopes of seeing a purple nipple just once through the waving and distortion. My dreams do not include accurate representations of anything — except that I don’t get the ladies in my dreams, either.

NO! I MEAN I GET THE LADIES ALL THE TIME WHILE AWAKE OR ASLEEP!

O! Why do you people let me post?

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Gradumacation

It looks like I will be able to declare Computer Science as my major after this semester.

Taken:
B Math 1271 — Calculus I (4cr)
B- Math 1272 — Calculus II (4cr)
A CSci 1901 — Structure of Computer Programming I (4cr)
A CSci 1902 — Structure of Computer Programming II (4cr)
B+ CSci 2011 — Discrete Structures of Computer Science (4cr)
B+ CSci 4011 — Formal Languages and Automata Theory (4cr)

In Progress:
IP Math 2243 — Differential Equations and Linear Algebra (4cr)
IP CSci 2021 — Machine Architecture and Organization (4cr)
IP CSci 4041 — Algorithms and Data Structures (4cr)

Not Started:
- CSci 4061 — Introduction to Operating Systems
- Stat 3021 — Introduction to Probability and Statistics

9 Credits of 4xxx or 5xxx Electives:
- CSci 4131 - Internet Programming (3cr)
- CSci 5801 - Software Engineering I (3cr)
- CSci 5802 - Software Engineering II (3cr)

Writing Intensive:
IP Arts1001W - Concepts in Visual Art (4cr)
- CSci 3081W - Program Design and Development
- PHYS 1101W - Introductory College Physics I
- ArtH 3921W - Art of the Film (IP, OH, WI)

Upper Division Outside Major (14cr) (+4 Math 2243)
A RHET3102 - Digital Photography (2cr)
— Arts 3701 - Photography: Silver Processes (4cr)
— Arts 3702 - Photography: The Extended Image (4cr)
— Arts 3703 - Photography: Digital Imaging (4cr)

Art Minor:
— Arts 1701 - Photography (OH)
— Arts 5710 - Advanced Photography (4cr)

Other coursework
Biological Sciences:
HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE COURSES
SOCIAL SCIENCE COURSES
CITIZENSHIP AND PUBLIC ETHICS
CULTURAL DIVERSITY
ENVIRONMENT
INTERNATIONAL PERSPECTIVES (ArtH 3921W)

Random Classes:
- CSci 4211 - Introduction to Computer Networks (3cr) (p CSci 4061)
- CSci 5403 - Computational Complexity (3cr) (p CSci 4041)
- CSci 5421 - Advanced Algorithms and Data Structures (3cr) (p CSci 4041)
- CSci 5106 - Programming Languages (3cr) (p CSci 4011)
- CSci 5115 - User Interface Design, Implementation and Evaluation (3cr) (p CSci 4041)
- CSci 5116 - GUI Toolkits and Their Implementation (3cr) (p 5115 or 5107)
- CSci 5523 - Introduction to Data Mining (3cr) (p CSci 4041)

- CSci 5511 - Artificial Intelligence I (3cr) (p CSci 2011)
- CSci 5561 - Computer Vision (3cr) (p CSci 5511)

- INET 4081 Introduction to Software Engineering (4cr CSci 4061)
- INET 4031 Systems Administration (4cr) (p CSci 4061)
- INET 4021 Network Programming (4cr) (p CSci 4061)

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Melody makes me extra funny.

So, I’m still trying to think of a costume. Melody was helping me over AIM, and this happened.

“I should be HERPES!”
“What are you supposed to be?”
“Herpes.”
“You’re not wearing a costume.”
“I’m not flaring up right now.”

It’s hard to attribute each line, but 1, 4, and 5 were mine. 2 and 3 were her. Uh, nevermind.

Other ideas:
Pan (all I need are furry pants)
Bacchus/Dionysius (purple toga, grape wreath, and unbelievable amounts of booze)
UrbanDictionary.com (basically just write HOT CARL on myself)
THE KRAKEN (either a squid costume or a prog rock band)

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What to do with a Halloween invitation that you don’t really want

I have a feverish imagination.

So… are you going?

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh…

He’s a nice guy, but…

He’s so weird!

Yeah!

So, are you going to Paul’s thing?

HELL YEAH! PAUL IS T3H AW3S0M35 I <3 ME SOME P@UL!

Dude, totally.

Oh, don’t throw away that invite here, he might see it. That’s be mean.

Yeah. Awww, crap, he’s probably gonna be at Paul’s thing.

Well, I’m just gonna say that I’ll be there if I can get a ride out to Northeast.

Yeah, thank goodness he lives in the middle of nowhere. I’m totally using that excuse. Or I’ll say that I lost the invite.

Of course, maybe I imagined none of this, but was merely on the other side of the cubicle wall filing something, and then later I saw the invites in the bottom of the dumpster in the basement of Coffman. You all said that I was paranoid for searching all the garbages, but who is the crazy one now? WHO IS THE CRAZY ONE NOW?

I’m thinking of wearing a tinfoil hat for my Halloween costume.

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If you don’t, how will you know how clever I am?

pennyarcade

Penny Arcade is way funnier than me.

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Melonade

Have you had a glass of melonade today?

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The Squid and the Whale

I feel a little guilty because I go to the Lagoon Theatre for free more often than I pay. I don’t know why that is. I scored a pass via my nefarious sources and tapped the only person whom I knew who had a card for the movie stuck to her fridge with a pinup girl magnet. You might guess that was Cake Woman — and you’d be right. Today I called her in the afternoon and deposited the times and general game plan into her voice mail. Several hours later I finally got a call back. She had walked from Anoka to Coon Rapids in some sort of fever dream. Dan picked her up and delivered her to the Lagoon still in her pajamas. After the movie he took her home again. During the movie he waited at the CC Club or something. I don’t know what that’s about.

The movie itself was great. Simply great. Pretty much everything that I would want to see in a movie about a divorce (and maybe some stuff that I didn’t, but hey, that’s life).

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Midterms are Over!!!

I get a ton of spam in my university email.

From: “CPT Timothy T. Kemp”

Now that you have time to relax, I would like to offer you an invitation to check out the U of MN’s Army ROTC Program. It is nationally known as one of the countries top leadership programs and it has a lot to offer you. There are scholars among you who aspire to achieve something even greater than a college degree- they aspire to be leaders. Being a sophomore is an exciting time and it’s not too late to join Army ROTC.

[bla bla blaleeted]

FUCKING HOORAY!

Here’s how I’m replying:

If I join the ROTC, will the Army make me into an unstoppable killing machine? Also, does the Army even take 30 year olds? Do I have to switch from my Computer Science major to a major in killing? I have so many questions!

Sincerely,
Jesse Mullan

I can’t wait to sign up for KILL1337W - “Poorly Justified Wars of the 20th Century”! Unfortunately, it has some prereqs like KILL1001 - “Concepts In Baby Murdering”.

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To The Beer Cave!

If you have beer requests for Saturday, the time to make them is now.

So, I’ve been enjoying the Summit Oktoberfest (you may call it Rocktoberfest if you like) with complete innocence for a couple of weeks now. Today I had one and noticed that I felt a little more… affected… than I had expected, so I went to the trusty (and flash-infested) Summit Brewery website, where I made the discovery that Oktoberfest has more alcohol than Maibock. If you had forgotten, Maibock is the beer that joined me on the path to get lost, cry my eyes out, and make a terrible mistake that I won’t share here. (not in that order or on the same nights)

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You’d think that I would be satisfied

Cake Woman and I went to the MIA, where, unlike when I went by myself, we were not followed by a herd of security guards. Then we hit the Electric Fetus. I was unable to prevent myself from purchasing Fiona Apple, Laura Veirs, and Matson Jones. Then we went to the Bulldog. Cake Woman bought me Delerium Tremens and mini corn dogs. She had a birthday thing with her quasi fam at five, so I came home to work on my freelance web thing and ended up babysitting Noah and his three bowel movements for four hours. I wasn’t able to eat the leftover lentil soup that I heated up because it was the exact color of the things that Noah play-doh factorized into his diapers.

You have no messages.

Whoever recorded that with the emphasis on no is a sick person.

On a happy note, Noah and I sang at least three thousand verses of Old MacDonald. Highlights included all the old favorites as well as monkeys, snakes, and a pterodactyl. We are fucking awesome.

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