Tip Your Librarian. I Mean Barista.
Please Volunteer!
I am not allowing myself to volunteer for any new projects right now, including the rebuilding of nations. Why do you think I didn’t join the (Army|Marines)?
I only gave them $5. I feel bad, because I’m going to go spend a ton of money pretending to be cultured.
Do Not Enter, Slut
What am I saying? That’s not what I meant at all. Of course sluts are welcome. After all, I’m here.
Oops.
Funnel Web Spider
I mean funnel cake!. I always make that mistake. Uh oh, if that’s the cake, where’s the spider?
Bloomin’ Onion Machine
Spike knew, and now so do you. The secret is the cold water bath, and this midieval torture device repurposed to manufacturing deliciousness.
Tentative Fringe showings
Tentative:
Sunday, Aug 7th -
10:00 PM: Adventures in Mating
11:30 PM: The Scrimshaw Show
Shows that you will probably be avoiding so as to not make uncomfortable eye contact with me before looking away and going to the bathroom to hide:
Aug 8 - 5:30 PM: “Cliff Notes” for Dummies by Third Rabbit Dance Ensemble
Aug 14 - 7:00 PM: Man Saved by Condiments by Pehl Productions & Starting Gate Prod.
No Mini Donuts
It is actually illegal to have a fair in Minnesota without mini donuts. There was another stand over on “The Mall.” I declined this time because I was full from deep throating a foot long Italian. Sausage. Eating it. STOP THINKING THAT! I USED TEETH!
Sigh. You fuckers are all perverts.
