Those Shoes Are Mine, Bitch!

Melody and I were looking at shoes on the internet, because I am a girl.

Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.

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The Car Is Mine!

Who knew that purple shit smelled so much like rainbow sherbet?

The car is actually “Regal Blue Pearl” which means “Navy Blue.”

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On The Wings Of Pigs

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Rumor has it that my car is on the way to Minneapolis and I will be driving it home tomorrow. I will believe it when my shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.

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OMGZ Bikes

It took me a long time to pick my Surly out last summer. Since then I have lost a few pounds and spend a bit of money on things like bike clothes. I can’t say that I really love biking. Honestly, it’s more fun to drive. However, I cannot argue with the fact that biking is the fastest way for me to get to work aside from being dropped off in front by someone else in a car. It also saves me $3.25 a day in parking and about $50 a month in gas. Yes, it is more expensive to park than to buy gas. Oh well.

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I’m thinking about adjusting the handlebars on my bike. I think I’m just a bit too fat to get down into the drops — I mean, my torso is freakishly long. My Surly is a wee 49cm model, but my torso belongs to a much larger man, and not just in the gut region. I’ve been working on the seat position and I think that my ass is finally happy, but now my hands are falling asleep and I’m just not comfortable hunched over.

Here’s the winter configuration for comparison:
jm_d30_3424208.jpg

The skinny summer tires did make a difference. The bike is faster. Never mind.

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Paul Made Me A Robot

        .
      __|__
     | @ @ |
      \===/
    /-^_|_^-\
   | |_//  | |_//
   \__/\\  \__/\\
     |_| = |
     | | | |
     | |_|_|_
    /__\__\__\

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A Joke For You

What kind of car do pirates drive?

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Summer Tires

Isn’t Memorial Day weekend usually rainy, or at least not one hundred billion fucking degrees? I already had the air conditioner in the window, but I really thought that I would move to Anoka this week without turning it on this year. If you’re curious, it was already in the window because I switched the screen from the air conditioner window out for the screen that Stan had cut a few weeks ago when he and Lisa were locked out. You see, they could get the ladder from the garage and I had a window open and hilarity ensued.

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Buying A Car

Why didn’t I read this before I got started?
http://www.employees.org/~alaford/buying-a-car.html

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This Is What Lost Did To My Hair

amazing hair

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Bio-ooze?

I know that this has been everywhere, but Zach showed me, and then I had to share.

Sneak up on your opponents with a surprise semen attack! Just when they think you’re coming at ‘em with water, blast ‘em with a shot of icky semen! Shoot out globs of gooey semen and then drench ‘em with water! It’s a double blast attack that’ll keep your opponents on their toes and running during every water fight. With the OOZINATOR blaster you don’t just get soaked, you get drenched!

Major Pumping Required:

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