Fuckin’ Jammers

I just ripped the crotch of my favorite grandpa pajamas. This is the third pants crotch in a year — and the second in less than a week.

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This Is Not War, This Is Pest Control

Holy shit this episode of Doctor Who is far too amazing for its own good. Not to reveal any spoilers, but Daleks versus Cybermen.



Ten year old me is weeping openly.

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Oh no! A rat!


Lisa finally got her dog. Since it is not an unstoppable killing machine, I refuse to take it for walks. A girl’s got to have standards. Then again, it does have a problem with the whole “you’re supposed to pee either in the toilet or out in the yard” thing, so, you know, we have something in common.

Uh oh, someone come change my chair. I just had an accident.

It’s a good thing that I’m not wearing any pants right now, or they’d be ruined. Oh! I could buy yellow pants! But what about the brown stains? That’s a stumper.

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This Heart Appears To Be Functioning Properly

I say never love a robot. It’s a good rule.

Wait, I mean, never love a woman.

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Good News, Everyone!

Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to hinder tooth decay. Since this is a family web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system.


msnbc is a family website, but my site isn’t, so I’ll come right out and say it: my nuts are good for your teeth.

Oh, shit, my mom reads this. Uh oh.

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Merry Dec- Oh. Wait.

So, uh, I forgot that I was going to lead into a Christmas list for my mom, because she has asked over and over again to come up with some stuff that she could buy in the $0-20 range. I assume that she isn’t going to just grab something from a clearance end cap at Target and scrape off the ten orange price tags that each cut ten percent off of the price until it is essentially free.

So, in no particular order:

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Merry Decemberween!

Well, I suppose that if I were going to throw a Winter Ale Party I would need to plan it somewhat in advance of the end of December. Too late now!

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The Keathlys made cookies last night. I helped until I got kicked out for doing things like this:
Fucking Elephants

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Think Globally, Fuck Locally

“Okay, so, oh my GOD Gogol Bordello was the most amazing show ever,” I exclaimed with only a modicum of hyperbole.
“Oh yeah? What happened?” Zach asked incredulously. Zach has been to some excellent shows (MAN MAN: HOLY SHIT) and — in fact — invented the word amazing. He says it all the time, so now I do, too.

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What’s brown and stains the kitchen?

I spent like two days making the mole for my Chicano Studies class. I brought it to the potluck and was declared an “honorary Latino” by my professor, so I think that’s a good thing. I finally got to trot out my best Spanish line: “Mi estómago habla español mejor que yo,” which means: “my stomach speaks better spanish than I do.”

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