Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too!

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The whole “biweekiversary” thing started as a joke, but it got out of control pretty quickly. Things escalated, cards were given, and cakes were baked.

I brought the cake to work, and there was some questioning whether it was a cake of celebration or letting down — the question being if the suffix should be “hooray” or “and that’s all you get, fucker.” Really, the proper appendation would be “thus far,” because Cake Woman is really fit, she’s fit, but my gosh don’t she know it.

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A secret project!

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Don’t ask, don’t tell.

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New Gallery

This weekend, amongst the Christmas and other things, I finally upgraded from Gallery1 to Gallery2. It’s pretty sweet. I should have done this months ago.

For the record, I have 31G of image data in my gallery. 42k+ images, and none of them porn!

Well, except for those pictures of me from college.

Never mind that.

Really.

Ahem.

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Elephant

As best as I can tell, this is elephant in Arabic:

الفيل

Japanese/Chinese:

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Lazy Monday

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The Chronic What Cles of Narnia!

Mr. Pibb + Red Vines = Crazy Delicious!

Lisa and I went to Narnia for the evening, since we had both spent our youths there. I don’t usually give star ratings to movies, but 4 and 1/2 applies here. It was technically flawless (as far as I could tell) but it didn’t quite capture that “I wish that I could escape from my shitty life into a magic world where I am destined to be a king and stuff” kind of feeling that I always had as a kid. Maybe I’m just jaded.

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Merry… Whatever

Yesterday was the slowest Christmas ever. I slept late, but I wasn’t expecting to hear from Cake Woman until 6pm, so once the Keathlys dashed off to their Christmas day activities I was left alone in the house. Parts of me wanted all day to just get in the car and drive to Wisconsin, but I knew that the only possible outcomes of seeing my father were endless seething or an ugly explosion of pent-up bile. I sacrificed seeing the family that I love to not see that alcoholic and addict.

“I never used when I was around you, I didn’t have to because you made me so happy.”

That’s a lie. That’s blaming me for his addictions. If I would have just been around, he never would have used. I tell you what, I never went anywhere. If he would have been sober for the first nine years of my life he never would have had to leave. He worked the program starting in 1984, but step one was supposed to be admitting that he had a problem.

Cake Woman didn’t call until 8, and then it seemed to be forever before she was placing a pitcher of ale in front of me. I had to fetch a glass from the bar, but they were all out of glassware, so the bartender handed me a plastic cup. I joked that I wasn’t going to tip him and he flipped out, so, uh, no tip for him after all. I returned to my seat between Cake Woman and Sister Nadeau, which slid farther and farther from the conversations as more people showed up and additional tables were annexed. I joked that a nearby table was Kamchatka (of Risk fame), but it quickly became apparent that I was stuck in Siberia. The smokers evaporated from my end and condensed again at the other. Cake Woman was talking to Elise, but with her back to me I couldn’t hear anything over the roar of a bar full of patrons and juke box music.

Dean and Renee had called during the day while I waited, and I mentioned that I had an unexpectedly nice time at my sister’s house in Iowa.

“Was everyone well lubricated?” Dean asked, which is a reasonable question. The holidays are stressful for everyone and booze is glorious. However, the Iversons do not really partake. I had a half of a juice glass of wine and John had considerably more, but overall it was a sober affair with tired adults and happy kids. Ellen practically begged me to stay, but I drove home through thick fog and black night anyway. I had joked over and over again that sleeping in Iowa was like Persephone eating the pomegranite seeds. Before going I had been sure that Ellen had invited me under duress, but she just missed me like I miss her.

So Friday my mom met my girlfriend, Saturday I saw my sister for the second time in a year and a half, and Sunday I spent alone until Cake Woman rescued me and plied me with alcohol — but I was kind of numb all weekend, just coasting through presents and driving. When Cake Woman left for home this morning everything that I had been pushing down and ignoring surged over me. When Melody came on IM late in the afternoon I sort of lost my shit. I talked, she listened, and then I laid down for a while.

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I Could Be Drunk Right Now

So, if I would have gone to Wisconsin, I would have come home reasonably sober. Instead I spent a good part of the evening at Mortimers — but there was no foosball for me. :/

Oh well, so be it, at least I didn’t have to pay for any booze. None at all! Hooray!

Also, I should not forget that I need to record all of Nova.

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Three Kinds of Gravy

If you’re curious, all three gravies turned out okay, but the standalone gravy was apparently too peppery. Okay, I admit it, the second teaspoon of peppercorns was too much, but it seemed like the sweeter spices needed a balance. I should have just used half of the spice blend that I made, or made twice as much of the gravy that I didn’t ladle over the meatballs that Lisa made. In any case, I am starting to rule at this whole roux business. I just wish that I had occasion to cook anything else. I mean, I suppose that I could cook every day, but it’s only on special occasions that I can push everything aside and apply heat to meat, so to speak.

Never mind. It’s time for booze and THE DUKES OF HAZZARD, because I was on my very best behavior all day and it is time to do something that will injure brain cells (unlike all that white wine I was drinking, which is good for your heart. Or liver. Or… FUCK I DON’T KNOW, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, I HAVE TO GO TO FUCKING IOWA TOMORROW).

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Duele la realidad. Duele!

I thought that Melody would like this song, so I let her hear it. I know that she likes to read the lyrics, but they are in spanish, so I ran it through google’s translate tools. Then I cleaned it up some more, since I find deciphering stuff fun. Anyway, here you go.

Spanish:

Amores Perros by Control Machete

Suficientes son los problemas de un solo dia
como para preocuparse por el futuro
Cual?
Olvidamos que para poder llegar al otro lado
Al otro lado
hay que empezar derribando el primero de los muros
Nos pasamos la vida
viendo triunfos y fracasos
conseguidos en tiempo pretérito
Cuantas veces se ha detenido el sol
a mediodia?
Cuantas?
Porque ya no quiere vivir mas atardeceres
Cuantas?
Cuantas veces?
Porque ya no quiere vivir mas amaneceres
El negro sera de ser negro sin el blanco
El bueno deja de ser bueno sin el malo
Continua repetitiva que constantemente termina
ah
Vuelve a empezar de nuevo da fruto a la semilla
Porque envejeces?, porque tu piel se va arrugando
el paso del tiempo una broma te esta jugando
Sabes que la codicia puede dejarte en la ruina
Quieres solucionarlo?
Borrarlo de tu vida
De perros amores
Borrarlo de tu vida
De perros amores
Borrarlo de tu vida
Si alguna vez
si alguna vez
si alguna vez
si alguna vez
Amanece el alma
atardece en ti
Amanece el alma
atardece en ti
Accion es en real voluntad
sensacion la velocidad
fe e ilusion orgánica
Coincidencia armonica
No existe ningún borrador magico para borrar todos los errores cometidos.
Que pasaria si las flores solo se marchitarán? o solo se quedaran como botones.
Duele la realidad duele
La fantasia solo se queda en los suenos
Que pasaria si nunca muero?
y no tuviera la oportunidad de nacer de nuevo.
Amanece el alma
Vuelve otra vez, aparece
atardece en ti
desapareces te vas y vuelves

English

Love’s a Bitch by Control Machete

Sufficient they are — the problems of a single day without worrying about the future.
As?
We forgot that to be able to arrive at the other side — to the other side.
it is necessary to first begin by demolishing the walls
Our life passed seeing triumphs and failures obtained in times past.
What times has the sun ever stopped at noon?
When?
Because no longer it wants to live but sets.
When?
What times?
Because no longer it wants to live but dawns.
Black does not exist as black without the white
Good does not exist as good without the white
Continuously repeating that constantly finishes
ah
It returns to begin gives fruit again to the seed
Because you age, because your skin is wrinkled
the passage of time is playing a joke on you
You know that the greed can lead to ruin
You want to solve it?
To erase it from your life
Of dogs loves
To erase it from your life
Of dogs loves
To erase it from your life
If sometime
if sometime
if sometime
if sometime
The soul dawns
It sets in you
The soul dawns
It sets in you
Action is in real will
The sensation of velocity
Natural faith and illusion
Harmonious coincidence
Is there no magic spell to erase all the errors committed?
What passes if the flowers only wither?
Or if they only remain as buds.
The pain of reality, the pain!
Fantasy only remains in the dreams
What passes if I never die?
and I did not have the opportunity to be born again.
The soul dawns
It returns again, appears
It sets in you
You appear you go away and you return

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Merry Christmas

So, it happened to work out that Cake Woman is free tonight, and Lisa invited her over to have Swedish meatballs, because that’s Lisa’s tradition. Now, it also happens that Lisa invited my mom and her husband, and, even though everyone knew who was going to be here, it didn’t quite hit me until I was making my third batch of gravy, because I needed one for the beef meatballs with beef drippings, one for the turkey meatballs with turkey drippings, and a third because I didn’t make enough of the first two for proper ladling over the requisite mashed potatoes. Lisa made all the hard stuff, I just sweated and whisked while freaking out over my mom meeting Cake Woman and Cake Woman meeting my mom. Thank booze for wine!

Theoretically I am wrapping Cake Woman’s present right now, but since I was kind of shaky I thought that maybe I should take a moment to breathe. I get panicky when I cook for other people and when I give presents. At least I bought all the presents I needed before I ran out of money.

Okay, once more into the breach!

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