On Sunday, while I was wearing her shoes, Cake Woman bought me eggs, bacon, pancakes, hash browns, toast, and pancakes. I also ate the last of her omelet and a small child. Needless to say, I was stuffed.
“I am larger because of your largesse,” I said, enjoying the mild play on words.
“What? Are you calling me fat?”
This is why most of the time I only use words that my electrician uncle would get.
I am a terrible bowler. Cake Woman and I have the same size of feet. We produced a foul series of jokes about balls. I’m going to bed.
This is what I remember from Saturday night.
Lisa was a vampire cow.
Stan had a duct tape based costume and was a martian type person.
Cake Woman had a wondrous cape and a big cock:
Accusations have been flying around that I got terribly drunk and caused a scene. For the record, I did not get terribly drunk, I got wonderfully drunk and I rule at foosball.
“You need to drink some water, Jesse”
“If I drink water, can I have more beer?”
“Yes, fine”
“Okay.”
Then I drank a liter of water in one long pull. A lot of it went on my shirt, I think.
“Give me more beer.”
later, I was shoeless in Anoka
I woke up in Anoka this morning and my shoes were nowhere to be found.
I’m going bowling.
Thank you for giving me a ride home. I hope that you had a good time. Should I have asked for your number or perhaps given you my email address? Sigh. Well, if you get this message (no), at least you can know that I thought that you were super cute and stuff.
Note to self: uh, I got nothing.
Snap! Pizza and Ice Cream
2851 Johnson Street NE
Minneapolis, MN 55418
(612) 788-9800
We ordered pizza from Snap! in Northeast Minneapolis. The pepperoni and green olive pizza was a little overcooked on the bottom (and tasted too much like flour). The veggie pizza was perfectly cooked but the sauce was a little bland. I think that we expected a little more flavor from a side project of the people who brought us the concentrated deliciousness that is Pop!, but on the other hand, it was the day after I saw them open for the first time.
I’m just glad that we don’t have to order from Papa Johns anymore.
Just keep telling yourself that you don’t believe in the supernatural, Jesse. I know that you got the chills while reading this story.
I think that I saw a ghost once before I moved in with my mom at around age seventeen. I woke up in the middle of the night while sleeping on the couch and saw something standing on the other side of the dining room at the entrance to the hallway. I looked at the shape, which was bright but not casting any light, said to myself “it’s just the moonlight on a coat, and pulled the covers up around my head, because if the scary stuff can’t see you, it can’t get you. It felt like the thing was watching me. I don’t know if it was watching over me or imagining how delicious my then virginal soul would taste.
The next morning I looked exactly where the shape had been and there was no coat. There was no way that light was shining in the hallway in the correct shape either. My only rational explanation is that I dreamed it the exact look of the living room and attached dining room and was aware enough to think clearly and remember it the next morning. That is actually less plausible to me than the idea that a “presense” was in the room watching me. I’ve seen my dreams, they are like the television when someone sits on the remote control. They are like the scrambled porn that you watch when you are fourteen in the hopes of seeing a purple nipple just once through the waving and distortion. My dreams do not include accurate representations of anything — except that I don’t get the ladies in my dreams, either.
NO! I MEAN I GET THE LADIES ALL THE TIME WHILE AWAKE OR ASLEEP!
O! Why do you people let me post?
It looks like I will be able to declare Computer Science as my major after this semester.
Taken:
B Math 1271 — Calculus I (4cr)
B- Math 1272 — Calculus II (4cr)
A CSci 1901 — Structure of Computer Programming I (4cr)
A CSci 1902 — Structure of Computer Programming II (4cr)
B+ CSci 2011 — Discrete Structures of Computer Science (4cr)
B+ CSci 4011 — Formal Languages and Automata Theory (4cr)
In Progress:
IP Math 2243 — Differential Equations and Linear Algebra (4cr)
IP CSci 2021 — Machine Architecture and Organization (4cr)
IP CSci 4041 — Algorithms and Data Structures (4cr)
Not Started:
- CSci 4061 — Introduction to Operating Systems
- Stat 3021 — Introduction to Probability and Statistics
9 Credits of 4xxx or 5xxx Electives:
- CSci 4131 - Internet Programming (3cr)
- CSci 5801 - Software Engineering I (3cr)
- CSci 5802 - Software Engineering II (3cr)
Writing Intensive:
IP Arts1001W - Concepts in Visual Art (4cr)
- CSci 3081W - Program Design and Development
- PHYS 1101W - Introductory College Physics I
- ArtH 3921W - Art of the Film (IP, OH, WI)
Upper Division Outside Major (14cr) (+4 Math 2243)
A RHET3102 - Digital Photography (2cr)
— Arts 3701 - Photography: Silver Processes (4cr)
— Arts 3702 - Photography: The Extended Image (4cr)
— Arts 3703 - Photography: Digital Imaging (4cr)
Art Minor:
— Arts 1701 - Photography (OH)
— Arts 5710 - Advanced Photography (4cr)
Other coursework
Biological Sciences:
HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE COURSES
SOCIAL SCIENCE COURSES
CITIZENSHIP AND PUBLIC ETHICS
CULTURAL DIVERSITY
ENVIRONMENT
INTERNATIONAL PERSPECTIVES (ArtH 3921W)
Random Classes:
- CSci 4211 - Introduction to Computer Networks (3cr) (p CSci 4061)
- CSci 5403 - Computational Complexity (3cr) (p CSci 4041)
- CSci 5421 - Advanced Algorithms and Data Structures (3cr) (p CSci 4041)
- CSci 5106 - Programming Languages (3cr) (p CSci 4011)
- CSci 5115 - User Interface Design, Implementation and Evaluation (3cr) (p CSci 4041)
- CSci 5116 - GUI Toolkits and Their Implementation (3cr) (p 5115 or 5107)
- CSci 5523 - Introduction to Data Mining (3cr) (p CSci 4041)
- CSci 5511 - Artificial Intelligence I (3cr) (p CSci 2011)
- CSci 5561 - Computer Vision (3cr) (p CSci 5511)
- INET 4081 Introduction to Software Engineering (4cr CSci 4061)
- INET 4031 Systems Administration (4cr) (p CSci 4061)
- INET 4021 Network Programming (4cr) (p CSci 4061)
So, I’m still trying to think of a costume. Melody was helping me over AIM, and this happened.
“I should be HERPES!”
“What are you supposed to be?”
“Herpes.”
“You’re not wearing a costume.”
“I’m not flaring up right now.”
It’s hard to attribute each line, but 1, 4, and 5 were mine. 2 and 3 were her. Uh, nevermind.
Other ideas:
Pan (all I need are furry pants)
Bacchus/Dionysius (purple toga, grape wreath, and unbelievable amounts of booze)
UrbanDictionary.com (basically just write HOT CARL on myself)
THE KRAKEN (either a squid costume or a prog rock band)
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