I got a new “job”, and I’d like to sing a song about it.

Dolly Parton sang in the classic song “9 to 3″:

Tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen,

Pour myself a cup of ambition,

yawn and stretch and try to come alive.

Jump in the shower, blood starts pumpin

Out in the streets traffic starts jumpin

With folks like me on the job from 9 to 3

Workin 9 to 3 what a way to make a living,

Barely gettin by, It's all talkin and no givin

They just use your mind and they never give you credit

It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it

etc. etc. more yammering etc.

I would have rhymed “jumpin'”, “pumpin'” and “humpin'“, or perhaps “funkin'“.

Matt said:

Did you really score some work? Do tell.
And, if you did, just make sure you don't get all tied up like the dude in the movie.

Mike Anson said:

Unless you're getting paid for that sort of thing.

To which I respond:

Yep, I'm a temp again. Of course, my first day was last Wednesday and I proceeded to injure my back that evening while babysitting. Thursday I spent on the floor. When I had to pee bad enough I forced myself to crawl into the bathroom and pulled myself up onto the toilet. It was a real “Drama in Real Life” moment. By that evening I was sort of able to walk, but I required frequent visits to the floor to lie down. Friday I started to turn into a normal person again: I could stagger around in a semblance of normalcy by the afternoon. By Friday evening I could sit in a chair for an hour or so. Over the weekend a team of engineers made me better, faster, stronger. Now it just occasionally feels like something has been bolted to my kidneys.

My job is scheduling appointments for an Executive Vice President and supporting her employees and coworkers. Next door is the company travel agent who is constantly saying things like “it might be easier if you have a stop in Seattle on your way back from Japan“, and “I have you scheduled for a flight to London on the 10th”. I want to fly overseas, instead of wincing in my office because I can't quite get comfortable in my chair.

I don't think that I could get into getting tied up, unless it was by asian and redhead chicks. Um, nevermind. I'm a little tired and loopy from Ibuprofen.

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�Corona� by the Minutemen

I watched Jackass the movie last night. I wasn't that surprised, except by some of the pranks. I have to say that “pranks” are more entertaining to me than “stunts”. I even enjoyed watching the random head shavings. Go figure.

Of course, for pranks I try to go right to the source: Trigger Happy TV. I love the US version as much as I did the filtered UK version, but for different reasons. I think that it has become more insane, and by insane I mean good insane, flashing lights insane. Yes.

I'm watching Trigger Happy right now, and it appears that they were filming right here in Minneapolis, approximately 19 floors and half a block from where I'm temping. I only wish that I could have been there to… uh… help.

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I really don’t care about those other carbon copies

I like beatboxing. Please enjoy the rap stylings of Rahzel:

Rahzel - Make the Music 2000 - Carbon Copy (I Can't Stop)

I can't stop

I really don't care about those other carbon copies

Don't stop Papi- don't stop

Yo! I'm the microphone champion Any stage you get me on or let me on

My ambiance is one step beyond

Then my song is a correspond with the audience

Experience the Renaissance my resonance is really on

Wonder Twin Powers activate

Put the tape on. I can take on any shape, form size or weight, shape of

Activation Voltron

Imagine all the microphones in the world I spit it on

Imagine the next MC step to me gettin' [scratch] on

You can even ask the girl about the bed we did it on

I hit it from the back to Marvin Gaye's Let's Get it On

Don't get it wrong, give her a thong, she put it on, in uniform

Sippin' Dom Perignon, Shawn Don, filet mignon

Long horns stick and move till the cameras come on

Until the cameras are gone from there on, dusk till dawn

Get your grind on, now put your panties back on

Thank you for your cooperation

Rahzel, on your Hot 97 station

I really don't care about those other carbon copies

Don't stop Papi- don't stop

(Baby crying)

Oh what's wrong Rahzel?

You're trying to sing?

Don't worry baby, when you grow up you're gonna be a star!

Yo, I'm one of the illest vocalists to ever turn the mic on

Let me download my sound, catalog the microns

[Computer noises] Turn your website on

WWW dot transmission d-d-d-d-d-dot sitcom

Got your girl buck naked on the cover of Right On

3-d visually enhanced on your CD-ROM

EP-ROM, erasable, programmable and only

Memory accessible when you're pc's on

We can battle for your soul like Ki Yong Song

We can battle for your girl like Rae Dawn Chong

Yo you're mother's so fat she wears a three piece thong

Made of polyester-acrylic, rip stop nylon

With a skully cap that stretches three feet long

98 degrees outside, with a sheepskin on

I play you and your mom like Donkey Kong

Check this out: [Donkey Kong noises]

I really don't care about those other carbon copies

Don't stop Papi- don't stop

Yo we got the hotness, wildest fiber optic, Double O 7 James Bond, talkin' in your watch [scratch]

Watch this, Baywatch [scratch]

Topless, there's no way you could stop this, spotless

Keep the flame up in the cockpit

(?)

or some New Kids on the Block shit

My purse net is nothin' but profit

While you keep secrets and gossip

The Officer, the Gentleman

Chiseled out, President, call me Lou Gosset

This is for the players who pop [scratch]

Frontin like you got [scratch]

PhD., without the doctorate

If it wasn't for break beats, you'd be rhymin' over my [scratch]

Often transformin' on stage, the Super DJ

2000 beats per minute, with an arcade

Round 1 fight, Street Fighter 3, pro tools with the upgrade

Call the paramedics to FedEx some first aid

My calisthenics been magnetic since first grade

We can battle in the doorway or the hallway

We can take the shit to the street, off and on Broadway

We can battle where you buy your cheap ass clothes in front of Conway

We can battle in the passenger seat of your motherfuckin Hyundai

I really don't care about those other carbon copies

Don't stop Papi- don't stop

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I don’t think it was a vertebra after all

Here I am at my new temp job, enjoying that sort of illicit pleasure that one derives from doing non-work-related things at one's desk. I guess that it is technically my lunch, so I can't get in to too much trouble. Did I mention the sensation of fire ants nibbling on my spine? Oh joy! There's only so much that Acetaminophen can do for you, and then it's just raw guts that keeps you temping. Temper Fi!

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Could I borrow a cup of Vertebrae?

Ow. I pulled something in my back while watching the cutest baby in the world. I lay on the floor while Melissa tried to get Noah to sleep. He screamed for an hour and a half before Lisa and Stan got home, and then was asleep within minutes.

I slept on the floor there. Last night I could barely roll onto my side. In the morning I was able to crawl to the bathroom. Now I can stumble around on two feet, but I often need things to brace me.

I'm gonna make it to work tomorrow dag gummit.

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FARKED!

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Make your own Schoolgirl

Everyone likes schoolgirls, and some people like dress up and paper dolls. If you are one of those people and are under the age of 18, don't visit Normal Bob Smith's website. I like humor, I like sacrilege and heresy, I like this site - but if you think that Marilyn Manson is not funny, you might not want to enter the world of Normal Bob.

Right now he has 114 pages of hate mail and 26 pages of fan mail. How will you weigh in? I leave that decision as an exercise for the reader.

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Wait a minute, your last name is “Al-Tikriti”?

This just makes me think of Motrhead. Lemmy is secretly Saddam, I think.

Well, I did have original material until I read this thread on fark. Now I got nothin'. Oh well. Print your own deck of cards.

Wait, I can contribute something to the excitement! How about a reference to a reference? Strong Bad refers to Lemmy at the end of this email

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Mohammad Said al-Sahaf checks in

The funny:
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1392


More the funny:
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1402

I love Something Awful, even if it is bad for me.

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ABC, Easy as One Two Three

The war is an exceedingly complex set of issues. If only someone were to make a simple guide, that would be very helpful.

If you've never visited mikhaela.net but you have similar political leanings to me (or simply enjoy good, quality entertainment), I suggest that you peruse Mikhaela's terrific comics and maybe her blog, too. She's been referenced by Tom Tomorrow- in fact this comic is at the top of his blog as I write this. It's hard to imagine much higher praise than that, unless you don't like Tom Tomorrow, in which case, why are you reading my blog?

Thank goodness that I have my good friend Matt to boil down the internet and give me just the good stuff.

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