I miss Sarah, she’s so far away — and she’ll only be back for three days before winging off to London and Scotland. She’s a warm wind.

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My second day of Christmas plans with the family don’t commence until 5pm so I decided to spend the day in my torn and sweaty pajamas. The Keathlys left a couple of hours ago, so it’s just me and PJ Harvey, rocking out like 1993. I was looking for a bit of speaker wire to hook up the subwoofer from my old car, but instead I found a million other things and moved around a bunch of boxes here in the basement.

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Merry Christmas!

It’s the new Christmas JAM!

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got tha upstate prison flavor that keeps you ugly all night long

Thanks to the miracle that is ChristmasI am beginning my two season News Radio marathon now. I promise not to stop until my eyes dry up and fall out of my head.

Bill: You do realize I’m just going to go and buy another cane, don’t you?
Dave: Yeah, and I’m just gonna steal it again.
Bill: Touché. Beth! Here’s one you can take right now. This one you can break later. Here’s one for the Hamptons. This one: I like — I keep. This one displeases me.

Welcome back, 1997. I missed you.

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Fuckin’ Jammers

I just ripped the crotch of my favorite grandpa pajamas. This is the third pants crotch in a year — and the second in less than a week.

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This Is Not War, This Is Pest Control

Holy shit this episode of Doctor Who is far too amazing for its own good. Not to reveal any spoilers, but Daleks versus Cybermen.



Ten year old me is weeping openly.

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Oh no! A rat!


Lisa finally got her dog. Since it is not an unstoppable killing machine, I refuse to take it for walks. A girl’s got to have standards. Then again, it does have a problem with the whole “you’re supposed to pee either in the toilet or out in the yard” thing, so, you know, we have something in common.

Uh oh, someone come change my chair. I just had an accident.

It’s a good thing that I’m not wearing any pants right now, or they’d be ruined. Oh! I could buy yellow pants! But what about the brown stains? That’s a stumper.

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This Heart Appears To Be Functioning Properly

I say never love a robot. It’s a good rule.

Wait, I mean, never love a woman.

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Good News, Everyone!

Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to hinder tooth decay. Since this is a family web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system.

msnbc is a family website, but my site isn’t, so I’ll come right out and say it: my nuts are good for your teeth.

Oh, shit, my mom reads this. Uh oh.

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Merry Dec- Oh. Wait.

So, uh, I forgot that I was going to lead into a Christmas list for my mom, because she has asked over and over again to come up with some stuff that she could buy in the $0-20 range. I assume that she isn’t going to just grab something from a clearance end cap at Target and scrape off the ten orange price tags that each cut ten percent off of the price until it is essentially free.

So, in no particular order:

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