Please Volunteer!

I am not allowing myself to volunteer for any new projects right now, including the rebuilding of nations. Why do you think I didn’t join the (Army|Marines)?

I only gave them $5. I feel bad, because I’m going to go spend a ton of money pretending to be cultured.

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Note To Self: See Broken Flowers

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Do Not Enter, Slut

What am I saying? That’s not what I meant at all. Of course sluts are welcome. After all, I’m here.


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Funnel Web Spider

I mean funnel cake!. I always make that mistake. Uh oh, if that’s the cake, where’s the spider?

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Bloomin’ Onion Machine

Spike knew, and now so do you. The secret is the cold water bath, and this midieval torture device repurposed to manufacturing deliciousness.

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Didn’t You Take Any Pictures Of Art?

No. I mean yes. This Italian Sausage was Art.

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This Is For Dean

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Tentative Fringe showings

Sunday, Aug 7th -
10:00 PM: Adventures in Mating
11:30 PM: The Scrimshaw Show

Shows that you will probably be avoiding so as to not make uncomfortable eye contact with me before looking away and going to the bathroom to hide:
Aug 8 - 5:30 PM: “Cliff Notes” for Dummies by Third Rabbit Dance Ensemble
Aug 14 - 7:00 PM: Man Saved by Condiments by Pehl Productions & Starting Gate Prod.

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No Mini Donuts

It is actually illegal to have a fair in Minnesota without mini donuts. There was another stand over on “The Mall.” I declined this time because I was full from deep throating a foot long Italian. Sausage. Eating it. STOP THINKING THAT! I USED TEETH!

Sigh. You fuckers are all perverts.

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And That Was The Second Time I Got Crabs

The fish would have killed me.

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